Reading 6: Helping Children Cope With Stress 

All preschool children have to cope with some stress as they participate in child development programs such as Head Start. For example, children must:

· get used to an unfamiliar environment;
· share the staff with other children;
· wait for a turn to participate in favorite activities; and
· deal with other children who won't let them join in their play.

Children who live in multistressed environments must cope with these "nonnal" situations along with the ongoing, pervasive sources of stress that make up their daily lives. For example, children may:

· not get enough sleep at night;
· live in a homeless shelter or in overcrowded housing;
· come to the program hungry;
· worry about a parent; and
· worry about violence in their home and neighborhood.

Many children who live in multistressed environments come to Head Start lacking self-esteem and self-discipline. They may express their feelings through aggressive or withdrawn behaviors because they do not feel safe and do not trust adults to look after them. Some of the coping skills children develop are not productive classroom behaviors. For example:

As you think of ways to help individual children learn to cope, it may help to focus on the following principles:

There are reasons for all behavior and it is helpful to know these reasons. The Social Services Coordinator told the teacher that Lien Tran sometimes gets frightened when she hears a fire engine because last year there was a fire next door to her home. This information helps the teacher know how to respond on a neighborhood walk when a fire engine drives by and Lien Tran sobs uncontrollably.

Children can learn positive ways to behave even if the reasons for their misbehavior are not apparent or are not addressed easily. Luis' teacher does not know why he has tantrums. She is working with the Mental Health Specialist to help him learn acceptable ways to cope with frustration.

Some children have difficulty expressing their feelings using words. Teachers can "give" children the words they need to express themselves. 'Tell him, 'I don't like it when you take my toy."' "Ask her, 'Would you like to play with me?"'

Some children are eager to talk about their experiences. Teachers can be good listeners. Many children need to talk about what's going on in their lives and they may not have anyone in their family who has the time and patience to listen.

Often children don't know why they feel angry or frustrated. Soothing activities such as water play help release anger and frustration even if the child doesn't know the reasons for these feelings.

Children's behaviors may be expressing several different feelings. Classroom teams can help children identify and label their feelings. "I wonder if you are feeling sad today because you miss your mommy. I think you may feel angry because she wouldn't take you with her."

A child's behavior may appear to be in response to a specific situation, when in fact, the child is reacting to a number of frustrating events. Class room teams can try to understand that the most recent situation put the child over the limits of what he or she could handle.

Withdrawn children may need as much atten tion as those who are aggressive. Classroom teams can observe to make sure that withdrawn children-those who do not participate in the activities or play with others-are making progress. When a child begins to test the limits by acting out, this can be a sign that the child is beginning to develop a sense of trust.

What works for one child may or may not work for another. In addition, a strategy that was effective one day, with one child, may not work the next time you try it. If an approach or strategy does not work, try to figure out why and then try something else.

One way children learn coping skills is by watching adults model them in the classroom. Some examples include:

Stay calm in emergencies. When a child gets hurt or when there is a fire drill, use a calm, reassuring tone of voice.

Be flexible when unexpected things occur. If lunch is late, talk about it with the children, then read another story or sing a song. If you have some crackers on hand, pass them out so the children who are very hungry can have something to tide them over until lunch arrives, if the paint spills all over the table, hand out sponges and make clean-up the activity.

When appropriate, defuse tense situations with humor. For example, if a child has built a tall block tower and another child knocks it down, you could say, "A big wind knocked down that tower." Encour age the children to work together to rebuild it. if a child who dropped the juice pitcher is about to cry, say, "Wow, that sure made a loud noise when it fell! Let's see how many sponges it takes to wipe up all that juice!" (It may be difficult to use humor skillfully. Be careful that it does not become sarcasm, if you are not comfortable with this technique try something else that better meets your teaching style.)

Children misbehave for many different reasons. They may be at a developmental stage where they need to test the limits of their own control. They may be forced into an
unfamiliar schedule. The rules and expectations at home may differ from those at the center. There may be a family situation that is upsetting the child. Sometimes their behavior is trying because they are bored, tired, curious, or frustrated. It's important to remember that, in most cases, there is a reason for the child's behavior. Some reasons children might misbehave follow:

They are affected by a physical condition. Health problems and conditions such as illness, allergies, physical or learning disabilities, lack of sleep, poor nutrition, or hunger can contribute to children's misbehavior. When a child frequently or consistently has difficulty behaving appropriately, the possibility of physical causes should be considered. Classroom teams can discuss examples of the child's behavior with the parents and the component coordinators.

They don't know what they are supposed to do. Adults often give children brief instructions delivered in an authoritative voice. "Pick up." "Put that away." "Use the brush properly." "Get ready." They may assume that children know how to respond to these requests. Instead, some children don't know what they are supposed to do and may not understand the words that adults use. They may need adults to show them what to do and how to do it. For example, some children need to be taught that "pick up" means collecting the toys and putting them back on the shelves. They may not understand terms such as "properly" and aren't likely to ask what the strange word means. A child may need an adult to show him how to hold a paint brush so the paint doesn't drip onto his hand.

They need more attention than they are getting. Children need to feel important and valued. When they don't receive enough positive attention, they may act out to get negative attention. Their need for attention is so great that they may "misbehave" because it will get adults to notice them and spend time with them. Unfortunately, once they are suc cessful in getting attention by misbehaving, they are likely to continue the unacceptable behavior until the cycle is broken.

They feel frustrated or discouraged. When a child misbehaves often, perhaps the classroom materials and activities do not match his or her developmental level. Children feel a sense of accomplishment and success when they use materials and engage in activities that are interesting and challenging, but do not require skills that they have not yet developed. For example, a child may not yet have developed the fine motor skills needed to thread beads on a string. Teachers can encourage her to use toys with larger pieces that are easier to hold and manipulate. It is important to offer developmentally appropriate materials and activities and to change these as children gain new skills.

They are seeking more control of the situation. Some children have very few opportunities to make decisions or have control over their lives. The Head Start program may have too many rules and too few opportunities for them to choose what they want to do. Young children like and are able to do things for themselves and are capable of making simple deci sions. This helps them feel as though they have some control over their activities and helps them develop self-discipline.

They are feeling bored or confined. Children need consistency to develop feelings of security, but they also need new materials and activities that respond to their growing skills and changing interests. In addition, children need opportunities every day to use their gross motor skills-both indoors and outdoors. It is important to create an environment that provides a secure, familiar framework, yet also is varied and interesting.

All children need the help of adults to learn appropriate and acceptable behaviors. Effective discipline helps children develop self discipline and self-esteem. Punishment, however, teaches children to behave out of fear and may reinforce their bad feelings about themselves.
Understanding typical preschool behavior can prepare classroom teams for handling most of the situations that arise. Because the social skills of children who live in multistressed environments may be more characteristic of an earlier stage of development, classroom teams also will find it helpful to learn about typical toddler behavior.

In addition to knowing what the nonnal ranges of behavior are for young children, classroom teams should address children's individual differences-strengths, interests, needs, temperament, and ability to cope with stress. Information gained from observation notes (as discussed in Session 3) can help classroom teams get to know each child.

Effective discipline makes use of positive guidance tech niques that are:

Based on realistic expectations for children's behav ior that reflect an understanding of child development and based on knowledge of what individual children are like.

Individualized according to developmental stages, individual needs, and the situation.

There are many positive guidance techniques that can help children learn self-discipline. Some examples follow:

Have a few simple, important classroom rules so that children are not overwhelmed. Children will feel a sense of mastery because they can remember and follow these rules, if there are too many rules they are likely to forget them, and, consequently feelings of inadequacy may be reinforced. Rules might consist of the following:

As children gain an understanding of why rules are important, classroom teams can ask them to participate in rule-making. This will help them develop a sense of ownership and self-control.

Stay calm and objective when observing play that may reflect the children's experiences, but is "inappropriate" for a preschool program.

Be sure to report the incidents to the appropriate component head (generally social services) and discuss what further response is needed in your classroom, if your observations lead you to suspect child abuse or neglect, you must follow state and local laws regarding filing a report.

For children who have very short attention spans, cannot sit still, or become easily distracted, keep group times as short as possible-no more than five minutes. Try eliminating circle time altogether for children who have difficulty coping in a large group; instead, read to small groups or have sharing time with two or three children during free play.

Individualize rules and expectations when appropriate. For example: Allow Eric to paint at the easel for all of free play time even though other children are asked to take turns. (Explain the situation to the other children.) This is the one activity that Eric has shown interest in, and it seems to help him to express his feelings and release tension through painting.

Redirect children to acceptable activities. For example, if a child is throwing blocks, explain that blocks may not be thrown, and show her how to throw bean bags into a laundry basket.

Help children understand the consequences of their actions. For example, Charnelle grabs the funnel from Krystal at the water play table. Krystal turns and hits Charnelle. Explain to Charnelle that the reason Krystal hit her was because she took her funnel. Help her think of another way to get the funnel. (Also, be sure to tell Krystal that it is not okay to hit other children.)

Help children get over minor mistakes and accidents-their own or other children's. For example, if Tevin bumps into Ronnie, help Tevin explain to Ronnie that it was an accident and not intentional, if Tevin spills his juice, stay calm and tell him where to find a sponge to wipe up the spill.

Provide lots of positive reinforcement when children follow the rules or cooperate. "Geneva, I like the way you used your words to ask Malcolm for a turn on the swing."

Some inappropriate behaviors such as biting or temper tantrums can be very disruptive and very difficult to handle. Children use challenging behaviors as a way to cope with stress. When children are out of control they need adults to step in calmly and take over. Some suggestions for handling specific challenging behaviors follow.

When children hurt others by hitting, scratching, kicking, and so on, respond by getting down at the child's level, looking the child in the eye, and clearly stating the rule forbidding this behavior:

"Alexandra, I cannot let you hurt people. I won't let you hurt others and I won't allow anyone in the group to hurt you. You can use your words to say what you want, if you feel angry you can punch the pillows or do some hammering." You may need to hold the child until he or she calms down. Your firm anns can help the child feel that someone is in control. It may take a few minutes, but the child will quiet down and you will be able to discuss what happened: "Do you want to talk about what made you feel so angry? I could see that you were having a hard time."

Reassure the child that you understand and want to listen to his or her feelings.

It is usually best to let the child recover before discussing alternative ways to handle anger and frustration. You might want to do this during a quiet, one-to-one moment later in the day:

'This morning, when you felt badly you hit Diante. Next time you feel badly, what could you do in stead?"

This discussion can serve as a rehearsal so that the next time the child begins to lose self-control, there will be an alterna tive to lashing out at someone else.

"That sounds like a good plan. You could use the punching pillow to help you feel better."

Later, when the child has finished punching the pillow, be sure to offer support.

"I noticed that you were using the pillow to help you feel better. Do you want to talk about it?"

One of the most emotionally charged challenging behaviors is biting. Adults have very strong reactions to biting and may overreact. The parent of the child who has been bitten is likely to be horrified, and afraid that the child is not safe at Head Start. The parent of the child who did the biting may be embarrassed, ashamed, defensive, and unsure of how to handle the situation. Classroom teams need to understand what may cause a child to bite, and how to respond to stop this unacceptable behavior. It helps to remember that biting may be a child's response to frustra tion when he or she does not yet have the language skills needed to express feelings verbally.

If a preschool-age child bites, there is likely to be something in the child's life that is causing this behavior. When one child bites another, the adult should respond first by clearly stating that biting is not allowed and comforting the child who has been harmed. If the skin is broken, first-aid is needed to prevent infection. Sometimes it is appropriate to involve the child who did the biting in comforting the bitten child (if the child will permit this and if the child who did the biting is willing). Often in these incidents the child who has done the biting is very upset by his or her loss of self control. Once the victim has been comforted and helped to find something else to do, the teacher can pay attention to the child who did the biting. In addition, you will need to talk with the child and his or her parents to try to find out what is causing the behavior. When a child is learning to control his or her urge to bite, it may be helpful to give the child something he or she can bite (for example, a clean washcloth) without hurting anyone.

Some children have temper tantrums, times when they lose control of themselves and scream, kick, cry, and otherwise express their total frustration. These are usually times when their words are not enough to express their feelings. During tantrums, a teacher may need to protect the child, and other people and things in the environment, by firmly holding his or her anns and legs until the child calms down. Once the tantrum is over, the child will feel much better if no one was hurt. Once the child is calm you can talk about what happened and what he or she could do differently in the future. It is important to let the children know that you accept their feelings and will be a good listener.

Many tantrums can be prevented by providing an appropri ate program. Tired and frustrated children are more likely to have tantrums than those who are well-rested, fed nutritious meals and snacks before they get too hungry, and provided with developmentally appropriate materials and activities. When you observe children you are likely to see when they are getting tired or frustrated and can direct them to sooth ing activities such as water or sand play or listening to soft music.

Occasionally a child may express his or her tension by spitting. Most people find this to be an unsanitary and generally unpleasant behavior. As with other challenging behaviors, it may be part of a nonnal developmental stage or it may indicate there is a problem in the child's life. Redirecting the child to another tensional outlet such as tearing paper or pounding playdough is sometimes effective.

While you are responding to children who use inappropriate coping strategies or exhibit challenging behaviors, the other children in the group are watching and learning from your actions. It is important to avoid giving them the message that the way to get attention from adults if to misbehave. Classroom teams need to be sure they pay attention to children who are easily integrated into the group, generally follow the classroom rules, are developing self-discipline, and are able to control their own behavior. Make sure that these children know that you value their positive behaviors.

Handout 6-1: Helping Orlando Learn to Cope 

Work with a colleague to read and discuss this example of how a teacher helped a child learn to use appropriate coping skills.
Orlando
When Orlando first comes to the program he runs to his cubby to get his blanket whenever he is upset. Although this goes against a classroom rule-Items from home should stay in cubbies-his teachers allow him to do so because they know that holding his blanket from home helps Orlando handle his feelings.

After a few weeks, Orlando seems to have adjusted to the program. Now when he runs to his cubby for his blanket, a teacher goes with him. While he holds the blanket she encourages him to talk to her about what was upsetting him. She helps him rejoin the group, with his blanket.

Orlando's teachers give him lots of opportunities to talk about his feelings, with blanket in hand. After a while he seems ready to talk without needing his blanket for support. His teacher encourages him to leave the blanket in his cubby. She reassures him that it will be there when he needs it. Now Orlando uses his blanket at rest time only.

How did Orlando's teacher help him to learn to use appropriate coping skills? 

Handout 6-2: The Meaning Behind Children's Behavior 

Work with your classroom team to analyze what Janine might be trying to communicate through her behavior. Answer the questions that follow, then describe a behavior of a child in your class and analyze possible reasons for his or her behavior.
Janine

Janine is sitting at the lunch table with the other children. When the milk pitcher is passed to her she grabs it with both hands and tries to pour milk in her cup. Some milk gets in the cup, but a lot of milk spills on Janine and on the floor. Janine pushes herself away from the table and runs to her cubby to get her blanket. She carries the blanket to a corner, where she sits down, rocks back and forth, and cries loudly.

What might be the reason for Janine's behavior? (This will have to be your best guess." You don't have enough information to know exactly what is causing the behavior.)

What might Janine's teacher do to help her feel better and deal with the situation?

Describe a situation when a child in your classroom was upset or lost control. Answer the question that follow and analyze possible reasons for his or her behavior.

Child:
Date:
Setting:
What did the child do?
Has this happened before? How frequently?
What did you do?
What do you think was the reason for the child's behavior?


It's important to remember that, in most cases, there is a reason for a child's behavior.
Describe a situation when a child in your classroom was upset or lost control. the questions that follow and analyze possible reasons for his or her behavior. 
Handout 6-3: Handling Challenging Behaviors 

In this activity, participants work in small groups to discuss a challenging behavior and generate strategies for addressing this behavior. Be prepared to share your strategies with the full group.

Challenging Behavior:

What makes this behavior challenging?
Describe some strategies that might be effective in dealing with this behavior:
How can you preserve children's self-esteem while dealing with this challenging behavior?
How can you help children learn acceptable coping behaviors?

Be sure to pay attention to all children and let them know that you value their positive behaviors. 
Follow-Up Activity 6: Using Positive Guidance Techniques 

On a large piece of paper, make a list of several positive guidance techniques you would like to try during the next week. Post the list in the classroom as a reminder. During the next week keep track of the times you use positive guidance and how the children respond. You can record your experiences on the chart below, or on one of your own design.

Dates:
Positive Guidance Technique 
Child's Response
Example: 
For the first time since coming to Head Start, Mary cleared her dishes by herself I said to her, "Mary, I like the way you cleared those dishes. You remembered all by yourself" 

Day One 

 Mary looked at me and smiled. The next day she told me, "I cleared my dishes today." I praised her again. 
Day Two 
Day Three 
Day Four
Day Five
Positive guidance techniques help children develop self discipline. They should be based on realistic expectations for children's behavior and individualized to reflect developmental stages, individual needs, and the situation. 

 
Session 7
Supporting Parents 
Summary for Classroom Teams 

Objectives

This session will enable you to:

· Describe how parents are involved in the Head Start program.
· Implement strategies for supporting parents.
· Learn to accept children and families without passing judgment.

Materials

Agenda
I. Discussion of Session 6 Follow-Up Activities (10 minutes)

As you discuss the Session 6 Follow-Up Activities, remember the following:

You can ask questions and/or voice concerns before the session begins.

II. Discussion Topics and Activities

A. The Role of Parents in Head Start (15 minutes)

As you participate in this discussion, think of how parents are supported by the Health, Social Services, and Parent Involvement Components. Think of examples of what you do to meet the Education services objectives, as stated in the Head Start Program Performance Standards.

B. How the Education Services Component Can Support Parents (15 minutes)

As you participate in this discussion, think about what you do to support parents.
Remember, some of the suggestions in the reading can be implemented by the Education
Services Component alone and some require coordination with other components.

C. Effective Parent Education Techniques (30 minutes)

Handout 7-1: Effective Parent Education Techniques includes several "stories" based on the experiences of a Head Start teacher. Read each one and discuss your reactions with your classroom team. The second part of the activity asks you to write your own "story" and prepare to share it with the full group.

After sharing your "stories" the group will identify what these techniques have in common and generate a list of "Principles of Effective Parent Education Techniques."

D. Acknowledging Your Feelings (20 minutes)

As you participate in this discussion, consider the difficulties that can arise when classroom teams become overwhelmed and have trouble accepting families.

This activity is designed to help participants identify possible negative or judgmental feelings about children and families. Your trainer will use flip chart paper to label the left side of one wall as the area representing "totally agree" and the right side as "totally disagree." You will imagine a line drawn on the floor between these two signs. The left end of the line represents total disagreement with a statement. The right end represents total agreement with a statement. The line forms a continuum of disagreement and agreement. As your trainer reads some statements, you will stand on a place on the line that represents your feelings. After you place yourself on the continuum you can share the reasons for your responses.

E. Accepting Families (25 minutes)

Ideally, the Mental Health Specialist will lead this activity, which is described on Handout 7-2: Accepting Families. You will be asked to think of a child and family whom you find difficult to accept and write down all of your negative feelings toward this family. For example, "He only wants to do what he wants to do." "She ran out of money before the end of the month, again, so her daughter comes to Head Start hungry." Nobody will see your paper. After you are finished you can throw it away.

Next, you will think of the same child and family and make a list of their strengths. For example, "He really enjoys the block area." or "She comes to all the parent workshops." The lists don't need to be long—two or three items are sufficient. You might want to think of your own strengths and how they can be applied to working with this child and family.

Finally, you will plan ways to use your strengths as you work with the child and family. Volunteers can share their plans. If there are no volunteers your trainer will move on to the next part of the agenda. Participants may not want to share their feelings openly.

Ill. Closing (5 minutes)

Reading 7: Supporting Parents

Head Start is based on the belief that all parents want the best for their children. The program recognizes parents as the prime educators of their children. Classroom teams can have profound effects on children's lives, but parents have lifelong relationships with their children. They have known and cared for their children since birth and will continue to care for them long after they leave the Head Start program.

Strong partnerships between classroom teams and parents are based on respect and trust. Both parents and classroom teams make unique contributions that help children develop "social competence." When these partnerships are effec tive, everyone benefits. Parents learn more about their children and strengthen their parenting skills. Staff feel confident about their roles as they learn more about how to meet each child's needs. Children feel more secure know ing that both their parents and their teachers can keep them safe and help them learn.

The Head Start Program Performance Standards include written confirmation of how important parents are. In the first workshop we discussed what the other components do to support parents. The Education Services Component's role in supporting parents is defined in the Performance Standards:

1304.2-1 Education services objectives.

Programs encourage parents to actively participate in their children's Head Start experiences, for example, as classroom volunteers. Head Start provides resources, one-on-one discussion, and training on topics such as "How Children Learn Through Play" or "Encouraging Your Child's Self- Help Skills."

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